2010-06-14 - 6:01 p.m.
So, being that we're halfway through 2010, I thought I'd leave an update on my New Year's resolutions. I'm sure you all have been wondering...so here you go.
1. Lose weight. I lost 12 pounds by the beginning of March. I could stand to lose a few more, I think I'd look pretty hot if I lost 5 more...but I'm okay at this weight. It's a reasonable weight for me and one I'm able to maintain relatively easily. So, good on that.
2. Wear more dresses. I'm actually quite surprised by how well I have to stuck to this one. I have bought 8 dresses since the new year and I have worn all but one of them at some point. I even wore one while I was out shopping for more dresses. I'm glad I did this one because for some reason, wearing a dress when I'm just out and about makes me feel more feminine. Usually, I would dress basically for comfort and if I wasn't going anywhere special, I didn't really care. But yeah, I put on a dress and I feel more attractive. Not that anything has come of it, but I think I'm officially hooked so I'll keep it up. So, good on that.
3. Start smoking outside. Eh, this one is kind of hit or miss. I do it sometimes. But I guess thats a start. I did set up an outdoor table outside and changed the lightbulb in the backyard for the first time since I moved in...so that makes it slightly more inviting. Plus, I find that I smoke less if I have to go outside. But there are moments when my willpower fails and I just don't feel like going outside. And I do that thing where I'll say "I'll start it up again next week....". But I'm working on it.
4. Stop acting like a drunken idiot when I go out. This one is kind of hit and miss as well. I still have my nights when I get trashed...but I have find, I don't do the man-hater bit anymore. I think its because I honestly don't hate men right now, I actively want one in my life. I don't trust a single thing that comes out of their mouth, but I still want them around. Go figure. But yeah, I have gotten quite intoxicated more than a few times...but I can't recall doing anything absolutely mortifying. I did cry on New Year's Eve and that was kind of embarrassing...but I probably would've done that sober. Was just hating life at that time. Oh and my new thing is not remembering entire chunks of the evening. Which is interesting. I used to be able to drink alot, get drunk, but still remember the whole evening. Now, I'm finding that actually forget things that should be quite memorable. So, I'm trying to work on that. It's difficult because I have always enjoyed drinking and to be honest, I don't see the point of drinking without at least getting a buzz. I enjoy being drunk as well. So, I really have to be conscious of what I'm drinking and how much to keep it under control. I think I'm doing okay for the most part. I really can't recall the last time I was truly embarrassed by my drunken behaviour...so I will say, good on that.
So, there is the progress on my resolutions. Not bad, I think. And now that I've written that out, I find my resolve is renewed. So, maybe I can nail the smoking outside second time around. We will see.
As far as the rest of my life, pretty much the same. The dating website thing seems to be at a standstill. I've emailed with a few more guys but it never goes anywhere. I don't like feeling like I'm doing all the work, so if I email them and they respond with one sentence....I'm not emailing again. So, I don't know. I'm thinking of trying out one of the pay sites, thinking I might have better luck. I figure if a dude is actually paying to be on the site, then maybe he is actually looking for something. But I don't know. I don't think I'm good at this either. For one, I am so not a phone person...I don't want to talk for 2 hours getting to know you. And like I said, if the emailing isn't working out the way I want it, I just give up. I don't know...I won't give up completely just yet...still very lonely and still no luck finding available men anywhere.
Let's see, what else...I went to Washington, DC this weekend. With my BFF, Valerie and two of her friends. It was supposed to be for Val's birthday...or so I thought, but it didn't really turn out that way. First of all, Valerie was sick all weekend so she literally stayed in the hotel room for most of the trip. She didn't go out Friday night, she didn't go sightseeing on Sat and only came out for a little bit on Sat night. Which really sucked for me since I didn't know her two friends that well....one I had just met on the trip. And two, it turned out to be Gay Pride weekend in DC. And the friend I had just met was gay. Not that I care about that, but I think thats pretty much what the trip was for, although Valerie and I did not know that. But like I said, no biggie, I love gay people. I ended up going to a lesbian bar with the two friends on Friday night...it was okay. Lesbian bars are not as much fun as male gay bars, by the way. We didn't really do anything but sit all night. (Although, I did get hit on which was kind of an ego boost).
Then on Saturday, we watched the Gay Pride parade...probably the highlight of the whole trip. There were definitely some sights to see! The parade actually went right by our hotel, so that was pretty awesome. Unfortunately, Valerie didn't make it through the whole parade and went back to the room to watch from the window. Her friend soon followed because she wasn't feeling well either. And the rest of that night was a total bust. The two of them were sick and were total babies about everything. The walk to restaraunt was too long, it was too hot, they couldn't decide where to eat, it was too hot and crowded in the restaraunt, the food wasn't good, etc.....I was so freaking annoyed. Both of them looked so pathetic the whole dinner. So, we just went to the bar in the hotel that night. Once again, the two sick ones didn't last very long and were in bed before midnight. Me and the lesbian lasted a little bit longer, but all in all it was pretty boring, so we went upstairs shortly after midnight.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed in this trip. I had been expecting a fun, drunken girls weekend in celebration of my friend's birthday. Not the case. And I couldn't help being a bit pissed off. I get very excited when I get to do something fun like that...because I don't get many fun weekends here in the States. You'd be surprised how often I stay home, by myself, sitting on my couch watching TV. And Courtney is a very social person, so that really drives me insane. I seriously get depressed. So, I was super excited for this weekend. And I don't care if I'm sick or not, I'm doing it up to the fullest. When it comes to partying, traveling, sightseeing...I'm like the Energizer Bunny. I don't need sleep, I don't need to relax, I don't need to spend time in the hotel room...I wanna go go go. So, being there with them was kind of hard for me. I would be sitting on the bed while they were watching TV or taking their time getting ready and would be seething....I wanted to yell "Hurry the fuck up!! I didn't come up here to sit in the fucking hotel room all fucking day!!". But I don't think that would've gone over too well.
So, yeah, it annoyed me that they couldn't get over their sickness. I should probably be more understanding and I tried to be at some point...but it only goes so far. If you're that sick, then stay the fuck home. Don't drag me out here to watch you be sick. If it were me, I'd be out anyway. I'd drink till I felt better. So, I have hard time understanding the other point of view.
And this highlights my need to find more friends. Friends like me. Friends who are single, who are in my age group, who still enjoying partying and who actually want to do more than go to the same place every weekend. And I have no idea how to find them. Which is why I miss Germany so much...because I had that there. I really wish this phase in my life would be over...because I'd really like to get back to the fun stuff.
But anyway, I'm gonna go make dinner. Peace out!
